Well we're all in the mood for a melody

I woke up this morning feeling fucking tired. I had been twitching because of humid temperatures and strange dreams all night. On top of this my head feels fuzzy from yesterdays last glass of wine. Cheap wine, type bag in box for twelve dollars. I keep it chilled in a fifty year older fridge that is starting to ice up due to rapid opening and closing over time. I look outside my window and it's cloudy, feels exactly like my mood. I can smell myself and it's not exactly my favorite smell in the morning. It's about the same feeling I have when I wake up on the shower floor on cold hard tiles with a matching headache, this have happened a couple of times. Today is nothing like that of course, it must be at least a year since last time this happened. I only had a few glasses yesterday, over a longer period of time and not to forget a live concert at a coffee-place where they don't serve alcohol so instead I had two cups of coffee after nine o clock at night. I put my feet on the floor, my bed is pretty tall so I do have some coordinating to do before I can finally stretch my arms to reach the ceiling. I don't but I can hear how there is a loud crack somewhere between my shoulder blades. I put my hand up to my mouth and my breath smells bad, really horrible. And I get a little frightened as I discover my hands to be blue. Just for a short time until I remember that I played with food-coloring yesterday.

I have this new discoloration on my front teeth, and I just cleaned them so from now on I'll just let it be. I try not to drink red wine and quit smoking about a month ago, before I cleaned my teeth. But my coffee they can never take away from me! This tooth thing has kind of made me give up on brushing my teeth like I used to, but of course I still brush them twice a day - just not for that long. In a attempt of multitasking I bring my toothbrush into the shower and wash of a little, it does make me feel a little better. My mind however is stuck to the credit card bill I got by e-mail last night and I figure the best thing is just to deal with it right away, face your fears, right? So I go down to the kitchen and after a brief "good morning" I drag some pre-cut watermelon out of the fridge and smash it onto a plate with a half avocado. I thought my mood was fairly well hidden and by all means, it wasn't bad either... just not top notch. I got some heated eggs from yesterdays or the day before's breakfast on my plate and go out to the backyard were I can sit mostly undisturbed by the world outside. Outside our house there is a small free little library where you can take a book, leave a book and every morning since I got here I've been leaving a new quote in the window of the library. Today the quote was: "Think of all the you joy'll have when you leave this world" by Peter Pan. I found it last night as one of the last thing I did before it was time for sleep. It's of course by the writer of Peter Pan but I never remember his name. And I think how about that movie Finding Neverland is total bullshit. With today's quote in place I get my computer started and log onto my e-mail account just to find that another credit card company has sent their bill as well. I think: "okay (fuck this), fine - let's just do this". I can tell that this is not going to be my favorite morning of this life.

Of course one of the reference-numbers for the one bill don't work so it won't really let me pay. I send an e-mail to the credit card company and just leave it at that. I'll have to deal with it later I guess... This is where I usually find the time to calm down for the day. Either by a garden-walk or meditation - I usually do both, but I might skip the garden-walk in the morning. Problem today is; I can't really find the peace for meditation and the meditation is all I really want to do. I still try though. I sit down and try to not focus but there is just too many disturbances at this point. I look at the time and it's only nine, a little early for my taste and I know that the coffee place will be packed of morning-people. I go anyway, after all I don't have anything else planned for the day. The walk isn't long. It's about five blocks, a perfect stroll. I don't know about English but in Norwegian we have over fifty words for walking and I like to explore those when I have time for it.

I was almost right about the people at the coffee-place. It's not super-crowded but enough people to make me push my ass down between an empty table and a guy that seems totally eaten by a computer and a cup of tea or something in that direction. I get myself a cup of coffee. They have started to give me a real cup now and not the take-out stuff they used to. Back at my table I open my computer and find the stage-door to my blog. It's called Temporary Chronicles because everything I'm writing is subject to change just like everything else in this universe. I'm happy with the name. I feel that stuff I write is pretty important and I also feel I have an insight to the stuff I write about which gives it a little of the extra factor. More than blogs about fashion and politics or just everyday life at least. This might just be my ego speaking up again, it tend to do that - but I've noticed it's more for my own protection than anything else and I've learned to control it. The important thing for me is that I am as honest as possible in the moment I'm writing a text, very much like an meditation.



"Speak the truth, but leave immediately after." 
-Slovenian Proverb-

So I sit down with my computer ready with a blank document and is kind of looking around the room. There's a couple of aunties on the table in front of me, signalizing that I have been noticed and my affection for a cute guy in the middle of the room is also noted. I was just taking my first sip of the coffee as an mid-age lady comes over and ask if she may have an musician chair. Haha, as if. There is no such thing in this world. I say it this way because that's exactly the words she used and she probably didn't understand what it means or maybe she did: A rearrangement that has no practical effect or significance to the environment, she was surprised. But I gave her the chair and then realized that there was a whole company of them, tree actually; The woman and two guys. I brace myself as I understood that this could get heavier than first assumed. But it's all good as they sit down on the table next to me, it's fine with them too as long as I silently understand that I'll also be a part of the group.

I wont let them take over the whole room, my energy is stronger than that - I'd rather let them take some of mine, than to overpower the entire cafe. The lady gets it, but not the men of course. Men have a tendency to wanting to rise above younger men, that's just how ego's work. When they thought they had established this, and I let them, there was time for them to establish among themselves who was going to rule their meeting. A happy guy with a son that turns eighteen this Sunday takes the responsibility, he speaks his heart out through a whole cup of coffee (or tea) while the two others can't even get a word in. I can't do anything but to laugh inside and do the only polite thing namely pretend I'm not even there. Of course I do understand, not to say feel, that they are pulling and stretching my energy even though they believe I don't get or understand what's going on. Sometimes people should stop talking and just listen before they keep going. My problems starts however when the aunties in front of me pick up on this energy and starts pulling too, it doesn't get better when the cute guy and his friend do the same. The guy next to me is however still lost, meaning that he's not pulling but just listening in. It does get bad for about a minute - energies are spinning really fast, too much for some - Because then, like on cue; half the room stands up and leaves. They're gone within a minute and it's almost back to good again. At least for me, I've restored my own balance. The man with the eighteen year old son however is exhausted and leaves his party a few minutes later. His friends keeps it up for another ten minutes or so and I can tell they have now noticed where they got their energy cause as they are leaving they both look at me at the same time, share a few words among themselves, back to me - shaking their heads, with a nervous laugh - before they leave with their tail between their legs. The man tries to restore his status on the way out, but's too late, he needs a refill first.


"Sing us a song you're the piano man
Sing us a song tonight
Well we're all in the mood for a melody
And you got us feeling alright"

The only place I'm physically tired now is in my jaws for biting it together just to keep my shield up, but I've also lowered my guard a little to early. In comes two elderly men full of energy, they obviously haven't seen each other for a long time but as good friends - they sit down next to me and they start to establish their energy. Trying not to take each other down they try of course to get some from the person closest to them - I had to leave now. I was all out of energy and was in deep need of a refill too. I went home and stuck my feet in the garden dirt, but I felt like I had really been able to pass energy back and forth and really stay totally open for a very long time in public without fear. When I got back home my neighbor, witch birthday is tomorrow, came over to thank me for the quotes I leave out in the library every day, it really made her day better. A very nice reminder that we all change each others life by our choices and actions.

Of course the two elderly men that was sitting there laughing at me as I left may think whatever they want. It can't really be worse than the constant nagging from my credit card companies. Besides if it get's too rough I still have more wine in the fridge at home. Like one of the old men said to his friend as I left, "look, he doesn't even give a shit", I looked them in their eyes and smiled to them, they suddenly got embarrassed - yes I do hear you, even when you don't, old farts.